i am still just a rat in a cage.

Sometimes I wonder, what would it be like to be alone?

Would it really be that bad?

What would happen if I took my next paycheck and told my boss that I wanted a job referral, no 2 week notice… that I needed to GO.  That I needed to just find myself, to find what’s real in me & what’s a product of my environment… to say FUCK YOU and just finally

live.my.life.

It’s not possible, of course.  The guilt would wrack me, the screaming impulses from my girls would chill me to paralysis, and maybe even just cooking for one would weird me out to paranoid proportions.

Prison walls that I built.  Walls constructed to hold out the outside without forethought of realizing that the infernal confines would burn me alive…

hello karma.

and this little cloud lives right here.

i’ve been toying around (again) with the thought of trying to either paint or draw.  i know i’m getting closer ‘cuz i think i’ve figured out that i don’t want to draw, and i want to use a water-based medium.  and no brushes.  i want to try to use unusual tools… but i have no idea where to go from there.

not like i really have a lot of time these days, but it’s a fun place to visit in my head when i need a break from the daily monotony.  :)

new URL coming for me & H… nothing special, just a new place.  just to let ya know.