i am still just a rat in a cage.

Sometimes I wonder, what would it be like to be alone?

Would it really be that bad?

What would happen if I took my next paycheck and told my boss that I wanted a job referral, no 2 week notice… that I needed to GO.  That I needed to just find myself, to find what’s real in me & what’s a product of my environment… to say FUCK YOU and just finally

live.my.life.

It’s not possible, of course.  The guilt would wrack me, the screaming impulses from my girls would chill me to paralysis, and maybe even just cooking for one would weird me out to paranoid proportions.

Prison walls that I built.  Walls constructed to hold out the outside without forethought of realizing that the infernal confines would burn me alive…

hello karma.